If you read these blogs regularly, you know that I say my testimony is strength. I found God at ten years old in the middle of sexual abuse and he instilled in me a strength that I am proud of. There are many flaws that I have, but being weak is not one of them. Not because of myself, but because I learned at such a young age to find my strength in Him.
Throughout my life, God has shown me the strength that I find in Him time and time again. Through sexual abuse, a toxic marriage, grief, an ectopic pregnancy, divorce, single parenting, and so much more, he has allowed me to keep on persevering. It is only because I have Him.
The last few weeks the devil has been testing my strength. Im guessing the devil doesnt like my testimony. He wants me to feel weak because He knows I will continue to tell others how God pulls me through each and every time.
I wont lie, sometimes I wish the devil didnt make me have to prove that strength. Sometimes, I wish my testimony was different. On bad days, when my friends remind me how strong I am, sometimes I cringe at that word. Strength. The word that is both permanently written on my soul and on my body. That word I am proud of, but sometimes it feels like a life sentence.
But I know I wouldnt have the faith I have without that word. I wouldnt be who I am without it. Because I have lived a life finding my strength, I have a compassion for others who need it. I know what its like to be in the trenches and need some power to help you out of it. I found that power. I find it over and over again.
God made me who I am for a reason. I lived a long time feeling sorry for myself for the years of abuse I endured. Then, God started using my story. He showed me that my story has power and its simply because my story has Him.
No matter what life throws at me, that strength doesnt go away. Because it isnt found in me, its found in Him. The devil is always going to be fighting a battle that he cant win. Remember that when he starts trying to use your testimony against you.